Unwanted Attention
by KSherwood
Summary: What happens when Vulpes Inculta falls in love with the female Courier. having no real idea how to woo her?  Based off of the Violent Medic's original story, "Courting Rituals."  Now with sequel attached!
1. Chapter 1

Unwanted Attention

Edie got out of her bed in Vault 21 and noticed an envelope pushed under the door. Curious yet cautious, she picked it up, noting the Caesar's Legion seal; however the contents were innocent enough: a piece of paper with writing it. She picked it up then tossed it away again, exclaiming, "Jesus Christ!"

Instead of ink, the message was written in blood. Once the initial shock had gone away, she picked up the letter again.

It read; "_Edie,_

_After witnessing your valor in battle against the deranged heathen Fiends, I can only conclude that you are no ordinary woman to be taken lightly- that you, like Caesar, must be descended from the gods. Please accept my tokens and words of admiration._

_Your devoted,_

_ Vulpes Inculta."_

The letter fluttered to the floor. Edie was torn between breaking into laughter and screaming. After a moment she collected herself, picked up the letter, and went out into the lobby where Sara was already up and hocking Vault equipment.

Edie asked, "Who delivered this?"

"Oh it was some guy in a brown suit. He was pretty rude. Since you were still asleep I just pushed it under the door. Why?"

"Here, darling, read it."

Sarah took the letter. "Is this-?"

"Yes."

"Ew." She read the paper and her eyes got huge. "Jesus."

"Yeah. I'm not sure whether to be amused or terrified. Finally someone goes nuts for me, and it's one of Caesar's psychos."

"Life's a bitch that way, isn't it?" She began washing her hands at the sink.

"Period." Edie tucked the note into her pack.

"You're not going to keep that thing, are you?"

"Not out of passionate attachment. My standards could use some work, but I'd rather bareback a ghoul than submit to that nation of rapists."

"I appreciate your attitude, but I did _not_ need to hear that about the ghouls!"

"Sorry." She leaned towards the hotel-owner. "And I lied. In you, my standards are pretty high."

"Good. I was going to have to evict you otherwise."

Edie pecked Sarah on the nose. "I'm heading back into the Wasteland for a while. I'll bring you back any Vault stuff I find, on me, for insulting you."

Sarah kissed her on the lips. "Just in case Fox Man is somehow watching, I don't want to miss the opportunity to piss him off."

Edie made a quick stop at the Atomic Wrangler before really starting, avoiding Beatrix due to her comment about the ghouls. The long journey through the Mojave Wasteland took the rest of the day, and it was nearly midnight when Dinky the Dino's head winked "Welcome to Novac" at her. She was very tired and paid no attention to the small object outside the door to her room that tripped her, except to note that it made a glass clink. Probably an old beer bottle.

She woke up in the morning, enjoying fresh clothes from the dresser, and a bottle of purified water with a fresh pear for breakfast. Reasonably cheerful, Edie opened the door intending to see what Cliff Briscoe had for sale before she wandered into the Waste again, but the door struck the bottle a second time, and she looked down at it.

Her heart sank. It was filled with something that could only be blood, and there was a note tied around the neck of the bottle.

"Oh no." Edie read the note and gave the bottle a tentative shake.

Gladiator's blood. That was what it had to be, unless it was his own blood. Between the two of them, Edie was at a loss as to which was worse. The trip to the Dino Dee-Lite was now far from her mind. Double-checking that she had an NCR uniform in her pack, the former courier set off for Camp Forlorn Hope.

Dr. Alex Richards was not in the medical tent of the camp; he was outside smoking a cigarette.

"A fine example you set," Edie said from behind him, making him jump.

She was wearing an NCR sergeant's uniform; things were not so smooth between her and the Republic nowadays, or the Legion for that matter. So she kept the uniforms on hand.

"I didn't expect to see you here," Richards said. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm in need of some advice, Ally," she took Vulpes Inculta's notes out of her pocket. "I've got a legionary stalking me and leaving me little gruesome presents."

"What? Let me see." He took the papers and read them, the V-shape his eyebrows made becoming more and more pronounced. "Goddamn."

"That's pretty close to what I said," Edie remarked, looking penitent.

"Well, I don't know what to tell you."

"Didn't they cover this in your training?"

"I'm just a medical doctor. Not a lot of the high-ranking officers like to admit that mental stuff is a real problem."

"Not too different from the Legion in that respect. Well, if not as a doctor, have you got any advice for me?"

"As your friend, and a soldier, I'd say shoot him if he gets too close."

"I'll consider that as an option. In fact, it sounds pretty good." She looked back at the tent. "Do you need any help as long as I'm here?"

"No, it's been much calmer since you helped retake Nelson, and you should probably leave before the Major sees you."

"Yeah, take care, Ally." They hugged. "You know, if Vulpes is watching, it'd really piss him off if you put your hand on my ass."

Richards laughed. "I'm all for that, but he'd probably know my heart wasn't in it."

She thumped him on the back, he returned the gesture, and they broke apart.

"See ya around."

"Careful out there- don't get shot again!"

When Edie was a safe distance from the NCR camp, she began to change out of her disguise and into her outfit of choice: the Merc Charmer outfit. She liked suits and had altered Benny's clothes to fit her, even though the jacket was in questionable taste at best. Then again, her fondness for that was more out of personal satisfaction than a preference for checks. She looked good in it, though.

Edie had blue black hair, catlike green eyes, and a small red mouth. Her skin was unnaturally pale, and no amount of time in the Mojave sunlight changed that.

She was just pulling on her skirt when she heard a noise in the rocks to her left. Cursing under her breath, Edie picked up Benny's pistol, Maria, and leaping lightly around the rocks, pointed it at the coyote skin Vulpes Inculta wore for a headdress.

"Oh it's you," she said irritably, tucking Maria away at the small of her back.

"Forgive me," Vulpes replied, sounding not really sorry. "No man could resist the opportunity to look on such beauty."

"I don't suppose you tried very hard in any case. Don't you have anything better to do than spy on me?"

"That was not my original intent. I have another gift for you."

"Keep it… you flatter me too much. Or better yet, give it to someone else whom you don't have to stalk."

"I want no one but you. None of the other women are worthy."

"There you're wrong. The Mojave is full of women more worthy than me. Look at me, Vulpes. I drink, I pop chems occasionally, I sleep with… everyone, and I think fur is tacky. You don't want me."

He shook his head. "It proves that you are descended of the gods that you may indulge yourself in worldly decadence without falling to the levels of men and the breeding stock."

Edie grabbed his upper thigh and dug her fingernails in. "Listen to me, Desert Fox. Caesar made up all that stuff about women because he couldn't keep his toga on and needed a way to make sure he never ran into trouble for it."

Vulpes started to open his mouth, and Edie leaned in closer. He closed it.

"If you want any chance at impressing me, lay off the gory gifts and reform the way you think about and act around women. You can start by simply asking if they want to sleep with you and then accepting 'no' if that's the answer. And that concludes my divine advice. If I catch you peeping at me again, you _will_ be sorry."

She turned her back on him, finished dressing, and went on her way back to New Vegas without looking over her shoulder at the head of the Frumentarii. After walking several miles, she stopped to drink some vodka.

"Ah, hell's bells," she said to herself. "I should've just shot the son of a bitch. Oh well, the Lord forgives, which means I can give the Roman wannabes another chance."

Boone and Veronica were waiting for her at the Lucky 38 when she finally arrived.

"Don't ever let me do that again," she told Boone.

"Huh?"

"Let a stalker live."

"You've got a stalker," Veronica asked. "Tell me!"

"Let me have a nap first, and then I'll tell you," Edie said, realizing that it was probably a bad idea to let Boone hear the story.

She slept for an hour or two then found Veronica poking around the cocktail lounge.

"Good you're up! This has something to do with Caesar's Legion, I bet, since you didn't tell Boone. Is Caesar stalking you?"

"Christ, no. It's Vulpes Inculta, the one with the headdress and shades. He's stalking me. He's been leaving me little gruesome presents. More like a cat than a fox. Here."

"Eww," Veronica said, reading the two mash notes. "What'll you do?"

"Well, Dr. Richards at Camp Forlorn Hope told me to just shoot him."

"That's not a bad idea. Punching is better, though. I guess you didn't, though."

"No, I got him where I knew it would get his attention and told him how things stand. Next time he tries something that ugly coyote he wears'll be walking around with nothing underneath it."

"Nice!"

"And depending on how I'm feeling, the somethimg may not be very much. I caught him spying on me while I changed clothes."

"I gotcha. The bastard's dead meat." She snatched up a bottle of Nuka-Cola. "How's Sarah, by the way?"

"Agoraphobic, but fine otherwise."

"Good. I'm so jealous that you found her first, but now that I don't have to wear those Scribe robes all the time, that's gonna change."

"Then have a night on the town, and I'll travel with Boone awhile. He's probably getting cagey in here, anyway."

"Yeah, cool. Uh, can I borrow some caps? All I've got is the grocery money."

"Sure. Whatever you want. I've got House's stash now, and he was on some pretty good clover."

"Thanks."

Edie gave Veronica a quick hug, whispered, "sic 'em, tiger," and went to find Boone. He was brooding, sitting in the double room on the 22nd floor.

"I went out this morning," he said abruptly. "There were a bunch of NCR women dancing in the fountain outside the Ultra-Luxe, and one of those damn Securitrons was trying to get them to leave."

She sat down on the footlocker across from her companion and waited for him to continue.

"That's where I asked Carla to marry me." His eyes were hidden behind his shades as usual, but Edie could imagine the sadness filling them, cracking his icy exterior.

She laid her hand on his knee and gave it a gentle squeeze, very different from the squeeze she had given Vulpes Inculta's leg.

Boone allowed her to comfort him only a second or two before getting up and gruffly asking if they were going to stay around the hotel all day or what.


	2. Chapter 2

They did not really speak after his briefly opening up to her about his beloved wife at the Lucky 38. On their way out of the Vegas area, they briefly stopped at the Atomic Wrangler, where Francine Garrett coyly presented Edie with another little gift left by Vulpes Incognito several days before.

"Not the nicest guy," Francine said, "But he had a really sexy voice. Didn't give a name, but I guess you'll probably know who it's from?"

"Yes." Edie looked at the little parcel, wondering if she ought to open it at all, or at least have a drink first.

She opened a bottle of Scotch, took a swig long enough to earn admiring/shocked looks from several other patrons of the bar, wiped her mouth on her hand, offered the bottle to Boone, and opened the parcel.

"Oh my God," she exclaimed.

"What?" Boone asked, hand on his machete.

"It's a cuff bracelet... looks like it was carved from a Brahmin bone. There's still blood. A fox carved on it."

"What the hell?"

"Yeah, well, the bastard's trying, at any rate."

"Your stalker?"

"Yeah."

"You still want to kill him?"

"Pretty much."

"Good." He frowned at the design on the bracelet. "Why a fox?"

"Well, foxes are lusty creatures," Edie lied swiftly, glad that Boone was not the most discerning soldier in the wasteland.

Well, that wasn't necessarily true. He could spot physical danger at 50 paces, but he didn't realize that Manny Vargas was in love with him. Maybe that was all for the best, considering that he probably sort of blamed his old friend for his wife's death. It was Manny, after all, who had convinced him to move out to Novac.

"Why're you looking at me like that," Boone asked, grouchily.

"I drank the hooch too fast. I'm looking through you." She dropped the bracelet into her ammo pouch. "But never mind. Let's hit the road."

"Yeah."

Later Edie was cooking Brahmin steaks over a campfire when she felt the beginnings of philosophical musings. A lot of love floated around the Wasteland, so why all the fighting? If a Crimson Caravaneer and a Boomer could fall in love from a distance, why couldn't more of the Wastelanders follow their example? That's how peace begins.

"Ouch! Goddammit!" Edie sucked on the burn blossoming on the web of skin between her thumb and index finger.

Boone, who was cleaning his rifle, barely glanced up from his work. Still swearing under her breath, Edie removed the steaks from the fire; she didn't even blink when he suddenly fired his rifle at something behind her. Looking around, she saw that it was a fire gecko. Having plenty of hides and meat already, she opted to leave it.

"You've still got that look," Boone said, setting the rifle down, and starting on the machete.

Edie shrugged and pushed one of the steaks at him. He pretended not to notice, but soon it was only a memory.

As they returned to the Lucky 38 several days later, a young man in a Dapper Gambler Suit approached her. He was not Vulpes Inculta, but a younger, leaner character. The suit hung loosely on his body (the Desert Fox wore it better), and the hat fell across his eyes.

"The mighty Caesar would have another word with you," he said, colder than the moon. "You still bear his Mark, it is believed, yet you have not claimed your pardon for your crimes against the Legion. Caesar reminds you that his patience is not infinite."

"Tell Caesar that if it's his wish to pardon me, then he may do so," Edie said, not bothering to wipe up the sarcasm now dripping all over the Strip. "Why does he want to see me, anyway?"

"It is not my place to question Caesar."

"He didn't tell you, then," she raised one shoulder.

"Another of his headaches seized him, and he was forced to lie down to ease the pain."

Edie fished a loose cigarette from her pack, lit it, and blew the smoke at the Legionary. "He actually reacted to the pain in front of you? Whatever it is, it must be excruciating."

The messenger said nothing.

She took a long, showy drag on the cigarette and offered it to the thin man. "What's your name?"

"Antonius," he admitted, after inhaling a deep lungful of tar.

"I'll remember you, Antonius, and I'll _consider_ Caesar's invitation. No promises."

"This is not a request, profligate. You _will_ see Caesar."

"You're not very bright, Antonius. Here on the Strip in broad daylight you can't force me to do anything. If you're lucky, it'll be the Securitrons that deal with you. Otherwise it'll be my friend in the beret, and then you'll be sorry you were ever born."

He sneered. "You can't defend yourself?"

She touched his side with Maria. "The situation I just laid out was on the off-chance you did hurt me. Now take a powder. Scram."

Antonius gave her a look of pure loathing, turned, and walked away. Once he was out of earshot, she coughed, opened a bottle of purified water, and drank it all, hardly taking a breath. She only smoked for effect and was not fully accustomed to the effects of tobacco use. Out of morbid curiosity, she probably would visit Cottonwood Cove to see what Caesar wanted. She wondered if he were having seizures in addition to his violent headaches. It was already established in her book that he was delusional. Maybe he had a brain tumor. Maybe he wanted her to cure him.

"My, my, my, such a lot of bulls and so few brains," Edie mused, handing the empty container of purified water back to the vendor.

She wouldn't hurry to make that house-call, though. She would wait until she was good and ready.

Several days later she set out across the Mojave without her companions; Boone would kill any Legion on sight, which Edie was usually all for, but in this case it might not be in her best interests. It was cooler than usual and cloudy. The air hung heavy in anticipation of the extremely rare shower of rain. Not far from Novac, Antonius reappeared, this time in full Legion armor, which fit better than the suit. His cold eyes held more heat, which was somehow more sinister than pure ice.

"I shall escort you," he said.

Edie frowned at him and stepped away. "It's become a point of pride with me to tell when someone is lying, and you-"

But she hadn't stepped quite far enough, for he grabbed her throat with a practiced grip and invaded her mouth with his tongue. When she struggled, he tightened his grip. With his other hand he pulled her closer to his body.

Edie stopped struggling visibly, trying to reach one of her holdout weapons, but before she could get a grip on the knife hidden in her sleeve, he made a strange wheezing sound, released her, and swayed backward. When she stabbed him, Antonius fell onto his face in the hot sand. There was a bloody hole in his back, and behind him stood Vulpes Inculta, machete drawn and dyed scarlet.

She pulled out a bottle of vodka and tried to take a drink, but spilled more than she drank because her hands were shaking so hard. When she finally got some, she used it to clean her mouth, spitting it onto Antonius, before finally drinking a mouthful.

"I owe you, Vulpes Inculta," she told her rescuer. "Quite a lot, in fact."

"I confess," he replied, removing his shades so as to properly look her in the eye, "That I could not initially grasp the concept of what you told me, but when I saw Antonius attempt to take you, I began to understand him."

Antonius moaned, and Edie shot him, her hand still trembling, but steady enough to aim and pull the trigger.

"Why?" She asked.

Vulpes shook his head. "I think I saw his actions through new eyes."

She nodded.

"I am now dead to the Legion for attacking him." He took off his headdress and most obvious Legion garb. "Now I shall have to wander the Wasteland as you do."

Edie took his bracelet out of her pack. "Have this back, then, Desert Fox. Use it to establish your new identity."

Vulpes stared at the bracelet for a second then took it and put it on his wrist. "Bid me farewell?"

She kissed him softly on the lips. "Good luck."

He accepted the kiss as his due, spat on Antonius' body and walked away.

Edie went back to New Vegas to find Rex waiting for her on the steps of the Lucky 38. She was very happy to see him.

"Oh Rex," she said. "You won't believe all that's happened to me."

Rex whined inquisitively.

"I don't know," she hugged the semi-robotic dog tightly. "But in a world where carpenters get resurrected, anything is possible."


	3. Favors Chapter 1

** I wrote this as a sequel to "Unwanted Attention" originally, but now I'll just add on to the original. There are a few differences here from the canon Fallout endings (I thought it would be more fun to throw Lanius from the Dam than Oliver), and I introduced a couple of new and/or revamped characters…. Anyway, the Edie/Vulpes Inculta saga continues!**

Favors

Edie was loafing around the Lucky 38 when Marty (the reprogrammed Victor) rolled up to her. He was still a cowboy, but much more serious. Marty would never exclaim something like, "butter my butt and call me a biscuit," for which those in regular contact with him were extremely grateful. His voice was much nicer, too: a pleasant Texas tenor.

"Man to see you," he said, "A stranger in fancy clothes."

"Packing?"

"Not iron… a long knife."

"Thanks."

Edie took the lift down to the casino where Vulpes Inculta stood near the craps table, somewhat unsteadily, his hat pulled at an odd angle over the left side of his face. When he saw her, he approached, very gingerly, very carefully. The casino had reopened to the public, only the casino, not the rest of the hotel, and all the gamblers kept their distance from the former legionary.

"I'm calling in my favor," he said when he was close enough.

Edie could see his blood beginning to seep through the brim of his hat, staining it a deeper brown. Underneath, his face was bone-white.

"Jesus Christ," she said. "Get in the elevator: Presidential Suite, Marty."

In the double room on that floor, formerly occupied by Veronica and Boone, Vulpes enjoyed through his pain the novel sensation of having his hat, tie, jacket, and shirt removed by Edie. She was as beautiful and goddess-like as he remembered her.

All this came to an abrupt end when he saw a glint of metal in her hand and felt a sharp prick in his arm. He awoke to a new robot face staring at him. It was female, with very curly blonde hair, thin brows, sleepy eyes with very long lashes, and a perfect Cupid's bow mouth.

"Ah, you're awake," it said. "My name is Frenchy. Edie told me to take care of you, at least until she returns, which shouldn't be long. I need to get back to the casino. I'm the real boss of the Lucky 38, you know. She can't do everything."

Vulpes sat up cautiously, feeling the bandages on his head. It didn't hurt anymore, but he didn't feel right.

"Would you like a sandwich? Some coffee?" Even though her name was Frenchy, the robot had a distinct German accent.

The door opened and Edie stepped in. "I'll take over, Frenchy. Don't need you to spill hot coffee in this one's lap."

Vulpes crossed his legs.

Frenchy laughed and rolled away.

The raven-haired woman gave her patient an irritated look. "You have the worst tolerance for chems I've ever seen! Half a Med-X and you stopped breathing!"

"Alcohol and chems are forbidden in Caesar's Legion," he replied loftily.

"Huh. No wonder your recovery rates were always so low. Here, eat this. It'll be easy on your stomach after the narcotics. If you're going to puke, I don't want it on the carpet."

Vulpes gave her a resentful look, but it quickly disappeared when she leaned forward to hand him the Wasteland omelet, allowing him to see the black lace of the naughty nightwear she had on underneath her Merc Charmer outfit.

"Lace," he murmured. Apparently all the Med-X hadn't worn off yet.

"You're feeling better, I see." She set the plate down on the bedside table then straightened up. "What was the favor you wanted? Did it have anything to do with whoever gave you that new hair part?"

"Everything," he touched his bandage again. "The favor I want is for you to help me kill Lanius in such a way that his followers will have no suspicions… just as what you did to Caesar."

Edie raised her eyebrows.

"I haven't spent my two years exile in idleness; I know that you lied to us about the cause of Caesar's death, but as I am no longer a member of the faction, I can overlook your deed."

"Don't give me that, Vulpes. That's not the real reason you're 'overlooking' me, but I appreciate your knowledge and generosity all the same.

So, the son-of-a-bitch Lanius is still alive? I knew it was too good to be true that he'd died from his tumble off the dam."

"He has reestablished himself among the remnants of Caesar's Legion. After surviving the dam, he is greatly weakened physically, but his divinity is confirmed among the survivors."

"I don't suppose he has any flesh wounds that I could… tend to? What are his new infirmities?"

Vulpes sighed. "I do not know, though his hand is as steady as ever. He wears full armor constantly, though he does have a limp and sits often. I was incredibly lucky to have made it into New Vegas."

"Having lost that much blood, I'm amazed you haven't turned into a vampire or something." She stood up and adjusted her skirt. "It'll be a pleasure to assist you. Rest here a while longer; I'll be back soon."

Edie went back into the hall, where Marty was waiting patiently at the lift, singing to himself. Both Frenchy and Marty liked to sing; they even sang the same song from time to time, but Frenchy's version was more raucous while Marty's was depressing.

"Penthouse floor," Edie said.

There was one Securitron rolling around the Penthouse Floor, another female, with, though the hologram didn't show it, flaming red hair. She was for extra security, as well as companionship. Maureen, as this robot was named, was tough and beautiful.

"Hello, Maureen," Edie remarked. "Any excitement?"

"None. It's been very quiet."

"Good. I need to speak at the Help. If you'd make the cocktail lounge ready for visitors, please."

"Who're we expecting?"

"Some people, I'm not sure how many yet."

Maureen disappeared into the lift, and Edie made for the main computer, formerly known as Yes-Man. He had been reprogrammed to be not quite so cheerful, and to answer only the questions of certain people, primarily Edie. He was also rechristened "the Help," and his smile was a little less broad.

"I need you," she told the monitor.

"Yes, ma'am!"

"Vulpes Inculta is back to claim the favor I owe him, and I want to run his story by you."

"Vulpes Inculta? How do you owe that cold-hearted so-and-so a favor?"

"He saved me from being raped and got kicked out of the Legion in the process."

"Yipe! Well… I guess you know what you're doing. What does he want?"

Edie relayed the Desert Fox's story.

"Double yipes! The Legion is just harder to get rid of than radroaches, but if you can shake their faith in their leader by killing him or otherwise, they'll probably really fall apart this time. I'll need a little time to think about this and poke around the other terminals."

"Fine. I'll get in touch with General Fang and see about having Boone temporarily relieved from his duties. I've got a feeling that I'll need his skills."

"Right as usual!"

"Thanks. I'll be back."

Edie returned to the high-roller suite, annoyed to find Vulpes up and looking for his clothes. "Goddamnit, Vulpes, get back in bed! You almost died from a Med-X overdose, sit there and rest!"

"I'm fine," he said, though he was obviously not.

"I never thought I'd have to beg you to go into bed." She crossed the room and sat down at the foot of the bed. "I need to leave Vegas for a bit, but I should be back tomorrow. Sit tight, and then we'll come up with some sort of a plan."

She started to stand up and Vulpes caught her arm.

"You're still a war goddess to me," he said.

Edie took back her hand traced around his jawbone with her index finger. "And you're the Desert Fox."

He felt a rush of dizziness that had nothing to do with his injuries. She smiled and disappeared out the door.


	4. Favors Chapter 2

General Fang was a trim man with dark hair, dark, almond-shaped eyes, and a long mustache. He was a shrewd, ruthless warrior with a very dry sense of humor. He was 1,000 times better as the head of the NCR armor than the late General Oliver.

"Hello, General," Edie said, kissing him on both cheeks. "I have to ask you for a favor."

"Come with me; my valet is doing the laundry."

She laughed. "Sorry, Fang, not that kind of favor. I need you to relieve Boone from duty for a few days."

"What for?"

"Lanius is still alive, and I want to spy on him, hopefully kill him, as a personal thing."

"You put me in difficult position. This is matter of national security."

"If I fail, you can have him, and I won't complain."

He stroked his mustache, looking hesitant.

"Nothing is impossible for Fang," she coaxed.

"It's true. I'm the best damn soldier in California. All right. I give you six weeks."

"Thank you, General."

He nodded deeply. "Go find Boone. He probably in the barracks. Night guard."

"Thanks."

Edie found the barracks where Boone was easily enough. Her companion hadn't changed much since the Second Battle of Hoover Dam. He wore the same uniform (1st Recon Survival Armor), beret, shades, and cold expression. The only thing to indicate the passage of time was his rifle, which had been repaired and modified a few times. He was sitting on his bunk, smoking a cigarette, brooding.

"Hello, Boone," Edie said, cautiously.

He looked up, "Edie."

She sat on the bank opposite his. "I need help. General Fang said you can have six weeks to help me in my mission, if you're interested. It concerns the remnants of Caesar's Legion."

"I'm in."

"Thanks. Lanius is still alive; that's who we're after. I'm dealing with a former legionary… before you tell Fang you're coming with me."

Boone thought for a long time, going through several cigarettes before he spoke. "I'm still in. Why'd he leave?"

"He got kicked out for killing someone else in the Legion. Actually, he never got that far. He killed Antonius and left."

"What for?"

"Remember my stalker? It was Vulpes Inculta, and another legionary named Antonius tried to rape me."

Boone swore impressively. "Why the hell did he help you?"

"Damned if I know. I don't understand him at all, but I owed him for saving me, and I want Lanius dead, too."

"So do I." He stood up. "Let's go."

Back at the Lucky 38 Vulpes had mostly kept his promise about resting. Once or twice he tried getting up, but both times had to return to bed due to the resulting dizziness and nausea. By the time Edie returned, he could walk around a bit and handle Frenchy's sandwiches, but being an invalid bothered him. And he missed Edie, perhaps more than he ever had during the two years since his expulsion from Caesar's Legion. Being near her made him remember more keenly everything about her he admired and desired.

He and Boone just managed to be civil to each other when they met, knowing that they were working towards a common goal. To prevent much hostility from flaring up, Edie suggested they immediately work on strategy. One of the tables in the cocktail lounge became Command Central as Vulpes recounted what he could remember of his encounter with his old comrades in a small hidden place called "Skeleton Creek," very close to the ruins of Cottonwood Cove. The general consensus was that a better look at the remnants would be needed to formulate a better strategy.

"If there were a way inside," Vulpes mused.

Edie frowned, looking at the floor, then a memory of an old pre-war movie that Arcade had shown her surfaced. She smiled. "We'll just knock on the door and ask to see him."

Boone and Vulpes Inculta actually looked at each other.

"Your joking is very ill-timed," Vulpes said.

"I'm not joking; I'm serious. We'll need a new outfit for Boone, civilian, and a nice rug. I have a lot of clothes at my various places of residence, so I'm fine… yes, this could work."

"What are you talking about?" Boone asked.

"This has worked before. The queen of Egypt, Cleopatra, had herself wrapped up in a rug and presented to the original Caesar. He fell for it hook, line, and sinker!"

"Original Caesar?" Vulpes asked, sounding oddly vulnerable.

"Oh fuck," Edie thunked herself on the forehead.

Boone leaned forward in his chair (he was sitting ass-backwards) to enjoy the show.

"You were one of his favorites," she said. "Sometime you surely _must_ have had some sort of inkling that all was not what it seemed."

When he didn't answer, she talked for a few minutes about the history of Rome as Arcade had told her, and shown her with his old books and movies. Finally Vulpes stopped her.

"Enough. You are correct; I did have more than 'an inkling,' but it was somewhat painful to hear it so bluntly."

They strategized a while longer then broke up for the night. Boone announced that he was heading to Vault 21 to sleep.

"I can live with working with him, but I draw the line at bunking with the son-of-a-bitch," he growled.

"Okay. I can understand that. You can have my room if you want; Sarah won't mind."

"No thanks. I'll be back in the morning."

He disappeared into the lift, and Edie returned to the Presidential Suite. Vulpes was back in the double room.

"Your bandage can come off tomorrow," she said.

He nodded. The bandage itched like hell, and he would be glad to be rid of it.

"I am sorry to be an iconoclast. It's not a pleasant thing to be… or experience."

"You have nothing to apologize for. It is my own fault."

She raised and lowered one shoulder. "What should I wear to be wrapped up in a rug?"

He looked her over, "The black and red, with the tight leggings."

"Not a dress?"

"The black and red is more of a challenge."

He was referring to the Merc Adventurer outfit, which was very close-fitting. As he spoke, he could visualize the shiny fabric hugging Edie's round bottom and her curvy legs. Getting them off her would be a challenge, but if she stood or laid the right way, he could manage it….

"All right," Edie said. "I'm sure you know what you're talking about. Good night."

Frenchy was hovering outside Edie's bedroom door. "You're awfully hard on him," she said.

"I know." Edie started to change into her sexy sleepwear. "We have a complicated relationship."

"You Americans complicate things too much. In Europe we make love with anyone we find attractive. It doesn't matter."

"For the most part I do, Frenchy. This goes beyond attraction. It's… political… ethical."

The robot made a disgusted sound. "There's nothing worse than bringing those into bed with you."

"I can think of a few. Goodnight."

The following morning was dark and windy. A few dust devils created some chaos around the Waste. Boone reappeared bright and early, while Edie was still taking off Vulpes Inculta's bandages.

"You were lucky that it's such a shallow cut," she said, carefully cutting the bandages away. "Heals faster, and it won't scar as badly."

"I don't care about that."

"You might since part of it will be on your face, but if you go about it the right way, you'll impress the girls. There you go. Here."

She handed him a mirror. She was right; his dark hair now had two parts and the thin scar travelled a short ways onto his forehead. Much to the Desert Fox's surprise, she produced a brush and began to tease at his hair.

"What-?" He asked.

"I'm fixing your hair. You look like a Fiend. Hold still."

At last she stepped away, and he surveyed his reflection again. His scar was the only part, and now his hair was long enough to get away with such a look. Since his expulsion from the Legion, Vulpes had allowed it to grow out somewhat, though mostly for convenience's sake rather than style.

Boone was fitted for a pre-war business suit. He kept his feelings about the suit to himself, though he was openly skeptical of the plan. They also rolled Edie up in several rugs before deciding that the one under the bed in the penthouse was the best choice. It was light, and that made it easier for Boone to carry, and for Edie to not suffocate.

Vulpes Inculta taught Boone the right words to be let inside without being killed; he was a surprisingly good actor. Finally, after reviewing and reviewing the plan, the small group journeyed out towards Skeleton Creek. They took turns carrying the rug until they were very close to their destination. Then the men rolled Edie up, and Boone carried her to the Legion, alone. Vulpes stayed behind, hidden and well-armed.

"This is stupid," Boone muttered to himself.

"I heard that," came Edie's muffled voice from within the rug. "Don't worry. This will work."

"Just don't get killed."

"And please remember that my head is on your left side."

Thanks to Vulpes Inculta's coaching, Boone was let in without question. One of the centurions: however, was suspicious. He eyed the rug skeptically then had an idea.

"You will not object to not being able to deliver your gift in person," he said, disguising his command as a question. "Lanius is in counsel."

Boone had no choice but to hand Edie over to the nearest recruit legionary.

"What kind of rug is this?" The recruit asked. "It feels strange."

"It's… Oriental," Boone lied, "Very rare."

Edie bit her tongue hard.

The recruit shrugged his shoulders and followed the centurion (Taurus Furorus) to Lanius' tent. Boone was shown out.

"Mighty Lanius," Raging Bull said on being allowed to enter. "A sort of rug merchant came with a gift for you."

"A rug," Lanius echoed. "Bring it here."

The recruit brought the rug over.

"You have a strange way of carrying it," the Butcher observed.

"This is how he carried it," the recruit said.

"Unwrap it."

Edie tumbled to the floor at Lanius' feet. She sat up, rubbing her behind and eyeing the recruit resentfully. He stared at her as if he had never seen a woman before.

"I thought that rug was kind of squishy," he said, and Taurus, Lanius, and another legionary all stared at him in amazement.

"Leave us," Lanius finally ordered.


	5. Favors Chapter 3

Outside, Boone settled into his sniper's wait. His patience was almost infinite, but on this particular night it took him slightly longer than usual to get into his zone. On the other hand, Vulpes Inculta was a field soldier, and not quite so good at waiting in such situations.

"Goddamnit, quit fidgeting," Boone finally snapped in a whisper. "What the hell's wrong with you?"

"I am unused to this form of warfare," Vulpes replied. "Caesar's Legion preferred direct conflict to skulking in the shadows."

"Could have fooled me."

In hushed voices they argued tactics for several hours before lapsing into silence again. Vulpes quickly became cagey again; he had no clock, but it had to be almost dawn, and Edie had yet to return. Boone turned and glared at him.

"She's taking too long," Vulpes said.

The sniper thought of how long he had waited outside The Tops before she emerged wearing Benny's checkered suit. He hadn't asked for any details, but he had a pretty good idea of how she got it… and without any blood on it, too.

"This is nothing," he said. "But why do you care?"

"I love her," the former legionary admitted.

Boone snorted.

"You doubt me?" He snarled, sounding very much like the animal from which he took his name.

"Yeah, I do." In his mind's eye, Boone could see the sniper's nest above Cottonwood Cove, but could not bring himself to look further. "You people from the Legion can't understand the concept of love."

Before Vulpes could retaliate, a form appeared in the distance. Boone looked through his scope and relaxed. "It's her."

By and by, Edie materialized, somewhat rumpled but unhurt.

"What happened?" Boone asked.

"I don't know how the son-of-a-bitch is still alive. His left foot is gangrenous. He's survived this long by taking numerous healing powders and just drinking Bitter Drink. Takes care of the pain, for the most part, and keeps him from running a fever, but he can't do that forever." She looked at Vulpes. "He doesn't happen to have a heart condition, by any chance?"

"Not that I am aware of."

"Pity. All we'd have to do then was slip him a Psycho, and he'd have a heart attack."

Boone and Vulpes looked at each other again.

"Let's discuss this somewhere else," Edie said. "I'm dropping."

The Dino Dee-Lite Motel was as good a place as any to crash for awhile. The small group congregated in Edie's room; she sat on the bed, Vulpes on the ruined couch, and Boone at the small table. She had a bottle of booze, which both men were abstaining from, though Boone had a cigarette. Edie had a long swallow of whiskey and resumed the discussion about Lanius.

After a while they decided to strategize after getting a few hours' sleep. Boone went downstairs to his old room, leaving Edie and Vulpes alone.

"What is the matter with your friend?" Vulpes Inculta asked.

"He lost his wife and unborn child to the Legion," she answered carefully. "That can embitter a person."

"Such things are not uncommon during war."

"True, but imagine you were too far away to stab Antonius when he attacked me. Imagine I couldn't fight him off."

He flinched.

Edie stuck her head in the wardrobe and pulled out a man's dress shirt and some underclothes. She changed swiftly, barely revealing any of her alabaster skin.

"You can sleep on the bed if you want," she said, lying down. "But this isn't a sexual invitation."

He didn't reply but got in beside her and was soon fast asleep. The sunlight pouring through the exposed bits of window awoke him a few hours later; he was entwined with Edie. His face was tucked into the crook of her neck, and one of his arms was curled around her waist. She hadn't shied away from him. Her left arm encircled his neck, holding him in place, close to her. He disentangled himself and entered the bathroom. A few minutes later Edie was awakened by the sound of the bathtub running. She was puzzled but accepted this odd turn of events.

Outside she was met by Daisy Whitman. They talked about the weather and its effect on flying for a while until Vulpes appeared out Edie's door.

"Who's he?" Daisy asked, eyeballing him.

"It's complicated."

Boone materialized, nodded to Daisy and asked Edie, "Is it time?"

"As soon as Vulpes gets here."

Vulpes Inculta descended the staircase with all the dignity he could muster with his hair dripping wet. Boone's eyebrows shot up behind his shades, but he didn't say anything.

"What happened to you?" Daisy asked.

Vulpes ignored her and restated Boone's request to leave. Edie and Daisy looked at each other and made the international sign for "men are so weird," before saying goodbye.

"Out of curiosity, as intellectual to intellectual," Vulpes Inculta said sulkily. "How did you manage to walk out of Skeleton Creek alive?"

Edie smiled mysteriously. "Well, Lanius isn't very bright; he's easily swayed by words. And I think he respects that I tried to kill him- that I wouldn't just let him away. That said, he _was_ bright enough to not let me look too closely at his injuries. I've got to give him that."

Boone started to ask a question, but then she snapped her fingers.

"I've got an idea," she exclaimed. "Remember Ruby's Radscorpion Venom Casserole?"

Boone nodded. The first time he'd tried the casserole it had made him violently ill, for he had made the mistake of washing it down with water, which just made the burning worse.

"Remember what she said about not having any cuts or sores in your mouth when you eat it? And nothing dries out your lips like healing powder."

"Ah," Vulpes smiled. "I begin to understand. He dies from the venom, and while that is regrettable, it is unsurprising to those near him due to the infection. Even if they do not know about it now, it will become apparent when they prepare his body for cremation."

"Great," Boone said. "How do we give it to him?"

"Put it in the bitter drink; he'll never taste it. A little espionage, a little strategy, and Lanius sleeps with the lakelurks."

"He does _what_?" Vulpes asked, appalled.

"That's the mob way of saying someone is dead. It's from a pre-war movie, and anyway, my mother was a Camonte."

They took it in turns to spy on Skeleton Creek for the next couple of days. The Legionaries had several campfires that they used to cook and make medicines. One was reserved specifically for Lanius' needs. Edie fixed the evil bottle of bitter drink while Boone and Vulpes Inculta looked for an opportunity to switch it out with one of the real ones.

One evening their conversation was interrupted by a cacophony of yipping from the coyotes. Boone almost smiled.

"Right after I signed up with the NCR a pack of those little bastards stormed the camp and snatched the night's dinner right off the fire," he said. "I thought Corporal Farber would have a stroke… running after them with his meat cleaver, yelling like he'd lost his mind…."

Vulpes lowered his shades to better look at the sniper. "That's more than you've said in a fortnight."

"It's more than I've said in a year."

"What's more, it's the perfect distraction. Edie, we could easily train your cyberdog, Rex…."

"No. Rex couldn't outrun them, but I know a dog that can. A bitch, actually, her name is Violetta; she's a Fiend dog."

"Where is she?"

"Not far from here; I gave Violet's dogs to Old Lady Gibson, along with a thousand caps or so for their care. I can easily get her for a while."

"All right. The junkyard is not far from here… we'll lose only a few days."

Violetta was happy to see Edie again, and she got along extremely well with Vulpes Inculta, though she avoided Boone. Around the dog, Vulpes was almost a different person. He was a strict dog-trainer, but they overheard him telling Violetta that she was beautiful.

The Fiend dog was a fast-learner, and only a few nights later, Vulpes released Violetta just outside the campfire area. She sprinted for the nearest campfire with a spit on it, grabbed the roasting gecko meat, and took off again. The legionaries gave chase, machetes out, and Edie, who was the fastest of the trio, ran and switched the bottles. The dog led her pursuers on a merry dance for a few more minutes before dropping the meat and escaping back to Vulpes.

Boone noted with distaste that their adversaries ate the meat anyway: dog-slime, sand and all. "Animals," he muttered under his breath.

Edie wandered over, wiping sweat off her neck. "Mission accomplished. The next stage is more waiting, I guess. How long do you think it'll take?"

"Not long. If that's stuff all he drinks, it'll be a couple days at most."

"Good," she sat down. "Now I'll just wait for this Stealth Boy to wear off."

"The ceremonial purifying of the dead is always done in bright sunlight," Vulpes remarked as he rewarded Violetta for her valor with some Brahmin meat.

"Hot as it is?"

He nodded, "To remind us that death is death, and that Legionaries stink as badly as the profligates."

Edie raised her eyebrows, but spared him any snarky comments.


	6. Favors Chapter 4

They did not have long to wait. As Boone had predicted, two nights later they were awakened by a great commotion from the makeshift fort.

"I think we've been successful in our mission," Edie said, looking at the entrance with her binoculars.

"We won't know until daylight," Vulpes Inculta replied.

Boone lay back down and went back to sleep. Violetta peed on a nearby cactus and then curled up in a tight dog ball near her trainer's ankles. Edie shivered.

"It's freezing," she said, hugging herself. "I wish we could have a fire."

"One extreme to the other," Vulpes replied cautiously, trying to keep at least one eye on Skeleton Creek. "Such is life in the desert."

"I know. Here," she reached into her bag and pulled out another bottle of whiskey. "Have a drink; it'll warm you up."

"I'm on watch."

"Well, I'm up, too, now, and tomorrow is Boone's turn, anyway." She dug a half-hearted loaf of bread out after the bottle. "Sip it, then use the bread to chase it."

Eyeing her suspiciously, but unwilling to refuse he took a long drink from the bottle, coughed, and stuffed a chunk of the bread into his mouth.

"Not so much," Edie scolded. "I wanted you to loosen up, not get horizontal. Your tolerance for alcohol can't be much better than your tolerance for chems."

He didn't answer; she shrugged and drank a swallow much larger than his, forgoing the bread. Vulpes Inculta ran his fingers over his eyelids. He was a little dizzy, but his vision was still clear enough. He wasn't so sure about his thoughts, which were once again firmly centered on Edie.

At noon when the legionaries brought Lanius' body up for ritual purification before it would be burned, Vulpes had a mini-hangover in the form of a headache and a very dry mouth. He drank the stolen Bitter Drink and a bottle of dirty water, wanting despite his own discomfort to save the pure stuff for a more urgent occasion. He also tried to keep his eyes on the ground as much as possible and avoid the glare of the sun.

They watched Lanius' body be washed and have a coin placed in its mouth. From there a funeral pyre was built out of old tires, cloth, and the little wood available. The smell was horrible; Violetta seemed to be aroused by it: however, and it was an uphill battle keeping her from running to it. Because human bodies are mostly water, the burning took a very long time. Edie tried to take a nap, but due to the noise and stench, she did not sleep well or long.

Eventually most of the Legion remnants drifted away, leaving only a few guards and the flames began to die down. Edie looked through her binoculars again.

"Let me look," Bonne took them, and then offered the binoculars to Vulpes Inculta, who shook his head.

"What's the coin for?" She asked.

"To pay for the trip into the Underworld," Vulpes answered.

"Ah. In my religion, there's no cost. Just as well for the family of the deceased. Getting buried or cremated is expensive enough as is." She tried to laugh, but ended up gagging. Her joke wasn't really funny, anyway.

"We'll need proof for Fang," Boone said.

"They shall leave his helmet as a grave-marker."

"How well will they guard the grave, Vulpes?" She asked.

"I do not know. I was already in exile when Caesar… met his death, but when others died or were killed, once they were buried, we gave them no more attention. They were out of our hands."

"But for Caesar and Lanius, it could be different."

"Yes," he answered rather snappishly. The sound of talking grated on his tender skull.

Finally it grew dark and the guards drifted back towards the gate of the makeshift Fort. The light extinguished, leaving only the claw-like fingers of light from the legionaries' campfires.

"Looks like now's as good a time as any to go get the goddamn thing. Shall we draw cards to see who goes?"

"I'll do it," Boone's voice had the odd lilt that hinted at amusement. "They'll never see me."

Edie and Vulpes nodded, and the sniper disappeared into the darkness. He reappeared moments later with the spoils of victory, but those few moments were extremely long. Boone was stunned (and Vulpes a little jealous) when she greeted him with a tight hug.

"Hey," he growled, even though, deep down, he liked the affection.

"I'll be goddamned," Edie took the helmet and studied it, and then spoke to it, dismissively. "'I killed thee with not half so good a will.'"

"We must leave this place," the former head of the Frumentarii interrupted, looking over his shoulder.

Boone went directly back to the camp and General Fang. Edie and Vulpes Inculta returned to New Vegas.

"What'll you do now?" Edie asked.

"The Legion will be destroyed by the infighting now," he said. "I can feel it, though I have no desire to hear the details. I will continue to wander the Wasteland… east perhaps."

"I'll miss you," she admitted, laying her hand on his cheek, putting her face close to his. "Why don't you stay at least one more night?"

His breath caught in his throat. "Have you taken leave of your senses?"

"Yes," she stepped away from him, leaning against the wall with her arms held out. "Come and get me before I regain them, Desert Fox."

Instantly his arms were around her waist and his lips pressed against the base of her white throat.

Down the hall, Frenchy watched them, nodded her holographic head, and took the lift to the penthouse floor. On the Help's big screen, Edie and Vulpes' actions were played out large as life. The robot grabbed the nearest pre-war book and threw it at the monitor.

"Bad computer!" The former Yes-Man scolded itself. "Bad computer!"

Edie and Vulpes vanished, and the smiling face of the Help returned.

Rex and Violetta sniffed each other, then stretched out in a patch of light from the Lucky 38 sign. Back at the camp, Boone fondled the letter he had written to his wife should he die before her. General Fang swore at the ink he'd just smeared on his report. Daisy Whitman looked at the cloudless sky and wondered if anyone besides her remembered jet streams. Maureen shut herself down for the night. Marty sang a sad song about a dying cowboy to himself in the empty cocktail lounge.

And quietly, Edie turned out the lights, careful not to awaken the sleeping Fox beside her. She was just as surprised by this turn of events as anyone, but at the moment, things were good. Stranger events than this had taken place before, during, and especially after the War.


End file.
